Let's see, I have been gone for a fortnight times a billion! I practically dropped off the planet. Getting very involved in my church, writing plays, shooting videos, etc. Something had to give, and I guess this blog did not make the cut. I apologize, because I know some of you plan your weeks, months, years, and even lifetime's around when my next blog will pop up. I pray none of you have entered into a mass hysteria from which you can not escape. Well, now you can breathe easy again, and free base your way to another great review.
I, Frankenstein (2014) Action/Fantasy/Sci-Fi (PG-13)
Starring Aaron Eckhart, Bill Nighy, and Miranda Otto
Overview: Aaron Eckhart plays the beloved creature known as Frankenstein. Created by a mad scientist and then hunted to the edges of the earth, he develops a disdain for the human race. Until one day, when a secret legion of Gargoyles recruit him, due to his super human strength, to fight the demon army that roams the earth.
Review: If you read the overview and still rented the movie, shame on you. The description alone should scare you away from even going near a Redbox location. Don't get me wrong, Aaron Eckhart is one of the better actors Hollywood has seen in this side of the 2000s. He can be suave or hilarious. He can kick butt, and still manage to deliver a heart-felt "I love you." Apparently applying fake scars to your face makes you speak like an idiot, and barf away your career. I'm pretty sure the director (Stuart Beattie) was playing Candy Crush Saga on his iPhone and kept saying "Whatever." when asked a creative question about the movie.
At the beginning of the film we have to sit through a narration by Eckhart, which feels like 45 minutes of a horrendous English-accented version of Christian Bale's gruffed voice in The Dark Knight trilogy. Most of what he says doesn't even make sense, or have any relevance to the story. It's like the director used this movie to allow his 14 year old nephew to prove himself as a screenwriter. I say stay home Junior. Play with your linkin logs and your 5th generation iPad, and leave the screen writing to people who know how to write words.
The saddest part about this movie is that Stuart Beattie directed "Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl". We'll call that his crown jewel, and "I Frankenstein" will be the disc he uses as a coaster at his mountain home in the Andes. Though toilet paper would be a more appropriate use.
But let's see if we can't find something worth mentioning in this one. Ok, we've got Eckhart. Despite the awful writing, and pathetic CGI, he does the best he can with what he's given. He delivers his lines, performs his fight scenes, and convinces the audience he IS the monster. However, his acting is akin to the ridiculous love scene in "Star Wars: Episode III" between Anakin Skywalker and Padme'. Natalie Portman is an award winning actress. Even Hayden Christensen isn't too bad. But when you give them lines that should have sooner found their way to the inside of a trash pail, what can you expect besides garbage laced with more garbage?
Now, Bill Nighy is one of those guys who can only play Bill Nighy. He's a typecast that we all adore. Whether it be Davy Jones, Rufus Scrimgeour, or Viktor, he always delivers his lines like only Nighy can do. Similar to how only Christopher Walken can play Christopher Walken. Only Bill Nighy can be Bill Nighy. Needless to say that I did not stop this monstrosity of a movie due to the fact that Nighy makes me smile.
Miranda Otto has been in nothing and doesn't matter.
This film, if you want to give it that title, was set to be released in February of 2013, but kept getting pushed back until they finally let it out of it's cage in January of 2014. I guess they figured someone out there cared. Not I, said the fly.
The CGI was bad, the writing was atrocious, the acting was even worse. Without a doubt, the worst movie of 2014. And that's including "Sharknado". I would avoid this movie like a cow would avoid McDonald's. It may just eat your soul with some Fava beans. I give it a whopping 0.5 out of 5 stars. It's the only movie where I contemplated asking redbox for my money back.
Suggestions or comments? entertaindave@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment